Out of boredom the other day, I started compiling Anita Blake (Laurell K. Hamilton) quotes that make me laugh. Here's a sampling. I hope they have the same effect on you. Just imagine being in the head of a grown-up Buffy the Vampire Slayer who's become a bit cynical and sarcastic. Ha!
I've taken a break from the books as my life seems to stop when I'm reading them. I've read the first seven books and though I really liked the last one, Burnt Offerings, I can already see how it's going to go downhill. I'll probably pick them up again sometime when I have the time... Now on to the quotes.
WARNING: Some of these are rated R for mature.
We tough-as-nails vampire slayers don't cry. At least, never in public. At least, never when we can help it.
Pimps beware. I was bringing the Master as backup. It was like carrying a thermonuclear device to kill ants. Over kill has always been a specialty of mine.
Raise the dead, kill a few vampires, and people start considering you one of the monsters. Sometimes it hurts.
The vampires called me the Executioner, but they called Edward Death. After all, I'd never used a flamethrower on them.
Richard was still by the door, looking unclothed, and inviting. Jean-Claude stood by the couch utterly still, like a three-dimensional picture of a wet dream. The sexual potential in the room was astronomical. The fact that nothing was going to happen was almost sad.
You don't volunteer for slugfests with vampires. It shortens your life expectancy.
"You irritating son of a bitch."
"Ah, ma petite, how can I resist you when you whisper such sweet endearments to me?"
~Anita & Jean-Claude
Asking Jean-Claude not to be a pain in the ass is like asking rain not to be wet. Why try?
I never forgave anyone for anything. A character flaw to be sure, but hell, everyone's got to have at least one.
I'd never met coffee that wasn't wonderful. It was just a matter of how wonderful it was.
My life was a cross between a preternatural soap opera and an action movie. Sort of As the Casket Turns meets Rambo.
Raina - "But you could kill us, all of us, even Stephen's brother, and feel nothing?"
Anita - "I'd feel something."
Raina - "What?"
Anita - "Safer."
There are only two things you can do when you're dressed like Barbie Does Bondage; you can be embarrassed or you can be aggressive.
A lot of people don't get my jokes. If I was less secure, I'd think my jokes weren't funny. Naw.
I wasn't sure if he was trying not to laugh, or not to frown. Maybe both. I affected some people that way.
As long as he didn't flash that smile at the wrong time and get us molested by nuns, we would be safe.
I know who and what I am. I am The Executioner, and I don't date vampires. I kill them.
I decided to ignore it. If the poodle got loose I figured I could take it. I was armed.
Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.
The smile came, a soft curl of lips. The serpent must have smiled at Eve like that. I have this nice, shiny apple for you. Want some candy little girl?
He could have the bed. I'd take the couch. What could be more innocent? Biker Nuns from Hell, but besides that.
The laugh was like candy; sweet and infectious. If you could bottle Jean-Claude's laugh, I know it would be fattening. Or orgasmic.